...

Life,

It was exactly at this hour, while I'm busy making my cup of coffee, and thoughts came into my mind on how long has it been already, on how long the situation that I'm dealing is still with me since I started getting lost. Getting lost without knowing the exact reason, getting lost and asking why I'm still stuck with this life, but then, after the first sip on my newly made coffee, I realized that, life is really like a coffee, sometimes, we want it sweet, sometimes we want it strong, sometimes we want it bitter and sometimes we want the taste to be balanced. 

Maybe it's one of the reasons why I'm still stuck, because I'm not really ready to move forward at least continuously? That's why I keep holding back, I keep coming back, and the string really pulls a trigger for me to be at the same situation again, I keep asking why I'm in this shit, but then, I think I found the answer, it's always me, it's my choice to be in this, it's my choice dealing with this, it's still me who never wants to let go, who never wants to grow, who chooses to be in this life since way back.

An advice which my mom told me that I'll never forget is that, "You chose the path, you deal with it, and never blame anyone if you fail." Well yes, my mom is right, so the demons inside my head seems to love me that much huh? They aren't leaving me for few years now, and I'm letting them control me, the question is, how long? How long will I allow them to control me? How long will I allow them to manipulate my decisions? How long will I still choose and let them do it? It wasn't really that hard answering, I'm done debating with myself, and I know that it was never the monsters under my bed, it was the ones inside my head.

I just hope that in time, someone will find me and calm my storms, that someone will be with me even if I'm not easy to deal with, that someone will still choose me, over anybody, and that someone who's willing to take the risk and let us grow together, but before that happens, I know I need to heal, I needed to heal first, I need time, I need space, because even silence and open spaces seems suffocating. I'll be back, I'll be back as a better person, I'll be back as a grown up human, I'll be back and say, "Damn, I finally made it."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

God's Gift

Wondering why it took three years for our paths to cross I keep asking myself why not? Since we both don't want to lose. Lost multiple times, but found by someone who doesn't care even about dime. Lady, you make me crazy, you give me mixed emotions and I feel dizzy. You never fail to make me smile and yet you also never fail to make me feel upset for a while. Our story may be as same as others, but I hope, this story of us, is like a good dope. Under my blanket, cuddling with you is the best      because with that I can feel your heat. My lady, thank you for the endless arguments which leads us into unforgettable moments. All I want is to be next to you. Remember that we took risk, so you got me, I got you. Rounding up and down my love for you is infinite Yes, you read that right, so no matter happens, you'll be stuck with this annoying person, until the last hit. My lady, I adore you so much, and I want to kiss you by bunch. Everything seems so light, and I hope no matte...
Read more

YOU

Smile. That is the first thing that I noticed about you A smile which is so special, makes my heart undenial We're on the process of getting to know, But girl, this feelings of mine seems to grow.  Every day that passes, the connection matches  Know that I am always here for you, even if the fate seems not to want to. We all have the time, but I promise, this feeling wouldn't mind, Patience and consistency is the key, so take your time and heal with me, Let's fight for what we know is right, as long as we're on the good side. I know it will be tough, but put this is mind, I can be your strength when the time gets rough. Love, keep on smiling and please keep on going, Life can be unfair, take a rest and I know you could bear. This would be hard, but then let me be your guard,  Glad to have you, so glad that I met you What we have is priceless, and I wish it could be timeless. Hope we could stay like this, and hoping this would be endless Love to see you, hope to be with ...
Read more

Coffee ft. Real Feelings

It was one morning when I am having my coffee and suddenly, you popped up in my mind, the feeling jives with how bitter my coffee is, maybe because, it's about the bitterness and pain that I had when you left. You leaving me is actually worst, dark, and painful, worst because, we've been friends like forever, dark because, you're one of my lights, painful because, my happiness was gone, treasuring the memories we have is like having a real life scar, it's painful yes, but it will remind me of you, always. Used to having you around, used to be your strength, used to be with you every weekends, and yes, "used" to, because it can't be happening again, if I will have the power to turn back time, girl, I would go back to the time where you should've stepped on the brakes to avoid collision, or I would've go back to the time when they're trying to save you, wanna know why? So that, even if it's just a glimpse, I won't waste time, I just want ...
Read more